The Epic Post on Ammachi, part 2

(Entries from The Diary of a Thuggee appear in italics.)

Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little girl like my Guardian Angel...she's started telling me things before they happen, and in a way I wish she would stop. No stock picks or lotto numbers; it all has to do with the Goddess in one way or another. And--it comes in handy. She gave me some instructions to follow on Day 2 that ended up getting me very near the front of the line for the morning darshan, though I was not supposed to be there. No--I didn't lie or cajole or anything; one must be extra nice and moral and stuff around souls like Amma, because everything speeds up, including karma. But, anyhow--for the second day in a row, there I am, sitting, meditating in Amma's presence, this time the meditation is getting deeper and deeper and my heart chakra is hurting, and then I get this hug that reminds me of the time when I was 3 and stuck the screwdriver in the outlet, except this feels really, really good.

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Waiting for that illicit second darshan:
I figured: now is really a time for gratitude. Sat in meditation saying the Gayatri from my heart chakra & sending Her pure gratitude. I reflected on how hard gratitude exercises like this used to be--I had to think of stuff to be grateful for, I had to make conscious list of real people, things, events. Now Amma/Kali is teaching me pure gratitude--how miraculous.


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Amma: "We have to be able to greet death with a smile."


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It's the last night, which an acquaintance I ran into in the darshan line said would have by far the most intense shakti. I'm sitting meditating, waiting for the program to start (thank god I brought the zabuton)...getting very deep into the gratitude. It's not only pure now, it's becoming All There Is...a rosy sea, sometimes shot through with green [the color of the heart chakra]. I open my eyes, sensing that Amma's about to enter the hall, and I'm shocked to see a room full of people. I'd forgotten they were there, but what a blessing that they are--hundreds of people whose main desire right now is to draw nearer to God.

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My friend Fiorenza, whom I'd hoped to see at this event, says she can always tell when Amma's plane lands--if F. happens to be in town at the time, she gets a definite jolt. It's easy to laugh at statements like this, even for a flake like me, but it's a bit harder now having spent time in Amma's orbit. I doubt anyone would look askance at such a claim were F. talking about David Bowie's plane landing...they'd smile and say, man, she's a real Bowie fan. If it's a spiritual teacher, though, F. must be the slightest bit wacko to say such a thing. Don't wanna sound defensive or anything--but it's interesting how desperate many people are (especially "religious" ones) to insulate themselves from any kind of intense spiritual experience.

Under L's influence, on the other hand, I resolved not to be too, too holy--a couple of hours in the morning, a couple more in the evening in the ballroom/temple, and the rest of the day was spent in pursuit of Kali in the secular, profane world of Dupont Circle, the National Gallery of Art, U Street, Mass. Ave., etc. As my guru is fond of saying (and this is a near paraphrase), if you can't feel God's presence while doing the dishes, you sure as hell aren't going to cozy up to Her in some ashram or spiritual retreat. Amma emphasized this, too, saying in effect that we should make the small stuff in our lives as sacred as possible (note to Sophia: that was the point of the motorcycle story (another version here)--I finally remembered: what we see depends on our prior assumptions... believing is seeing).

Next: But Wait--It Gets Weirder...