We've all heard about wacky aristos--mad Ludwig the castle-builder and would-be Parsifal; the British duke who, Richard Altick tells us, "wore three pairs of socks with his cork-soled boots" and built a vast underground complex beneath the ducal hall; the hyper-dandified "king" of them all, Robert de Montesquiou...
and now comes Princess Martha Louise of Norway, with her Astarte web site (you gotta love the name, but the site's in Norwegian, alas) and very public belief in angels... and eerily, Her Highness has managed, like yours truly, to weave herself a Goddess/angel mythos that unites Astarte, Isis, Hathor, Demeter, Kali, and the Black Madonna. And the stars (rather royally, she likes the title "Queen of Heaven," which in Norwegian is literally "Queen of the Stars"). Hmm...it's the same old WiHW question...is there something outside me leading me in this direction or do I and my cohorts just all read the same weird books or have similar neurological phenomena that roughly match up with certain semi-universal cultural information/images?
One thing that has happened during my unintentional blog hiatus is that I've become less and less interested in that question, though. I have been through, in the past several months, the most difficult, scary, joyous, and wonderful period of my life, and the only thing that's got me through is my faith...the only thing. And after a test like that, you just kinda have to say, no matter how weird this all seems, no matter how improbable it might feel in 2007 to revere Isis and preoccupy oneself with the true meaning of the Eleusinian mysteries--it works for me. I listened to the inner voice (so hard to hear once upon a time, a little easier now) that guided me away from received wisdom and towards the unknown, towards the face of God as She could manifest in my particular heart...and listening to this voice and seeking that face are the most important things any of us can do...there are many other important things, too, like loving people and building a life one feels centered and at home in...but it all has to come from that inner light...
Oh dear...I need to remind myself to post one silly post for every serious/preachy one... but this has been a time of learning and deciding what I really think and who I really am, and so (without sounding horribly self-righteous, I hope) I'm getting farther from reflexive, CYA skepticism and self-doubt and more into trying to embrace the Divine Mother in every instant of Her unfolding. Which is a damn sight harder than the alternatives...dammit! Back in January or February I literally wrote a blog post (which didn't get posted) that warned people away from the spiritual path--just stay dumb and happy, I urged, and I wanted to print the thing up and put it under windshield wipers at Wal-Mart...
but it isn't really how I feel. I know it isn't Kali who makes my life difficult--her maya is going to happen whether I'm here or not, whether I'm loving Her or not, whether anything or not...and I have the choice to love and trust Her or to withdraw into self-centeredness and fear, which I still do often enough to make me very glad that, for whatever reason, a long time ago, when I wasn't looking for Her, the Divine Mother showed Herself to me, a single burning flame in the dark night of egotism, and bade me to chase after Her...
Stanley Hauerwas once said something to the effect that without God, "life is just one goddam thing after another," and sometimes it's that way with God, too. But in Her lap (when I have the sense to stay there) I feel less and less inclined to feel like a victim, to wish my life away, to succumb to romantic despair, to believe I'll be happy if external event x happens or material possession y comes my way. She has helped me love myself and has sent me a miraculous lover as if to urge me forward...more on that later, if you're lucky and if I don't chicken out...
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