Monday, March 12, 2007

They Gave Me This Neck Brace to Wear, and They Said It Was a Living Being... [choking sounds]

It must be Moroccan music night here at the Temple of Tunes (renamed after my iPod took over my life)...I just ripped Maleem Mahmoud Ghania (w/ Pharoah Sanders!) into iTunes, and have got the Master Musicians of Jajouka going now...and then the Gnawa of Marrakesh...and Richard Pryor and Jethro Tull and Alfred Brendel and ...John Denver.

This little black metal and plastic thingie with the screen and the dial was, I suspect, a joint project between Philip K. Dick, DARPA, and Neal Stephenson...the symbiotic gizmo that plugs into
you, rewrites your code...I haven't quite got the full Neo-jacked-in-to-jiu-jitsu-lessons rush yet, but I know it's out there...I bought headphones that are so isolating that I couldn't hear the guy at the garage saying my belts and hoses looked fine, though he was four feet away...and that was listening to The Songs of Ramprasad... imagine Slayer! Sleater! Even--"Annie's Song"! (turned up high)...or, ahem [back in high culture persona; cue BBC accent], Christopher Hogwood's piquant reading of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony...

And I
had to get the iPod boombox, so I could listen to it while cooking, and I had to get the car charger/radio attachment, so I could listen to it while driving, and I had to get the wall charger, since for some reason Apple has something against people charging the thing from a wall socket (oh--you can't access the iTunes store from a wall socket)...and the sleeve, of course, because the 'Pod attracts more fingerprints than the FBI crime lab...but I love it. The touchy-feely Apple set-up program asked me to name my iPod, so I named it Troubador, wandering singer of songs (and yes, there are actual troubador songs on it).

You know I got a three-hour lecture by Terence McKenna on this thing? And Sophia reading one of her poems? And Aleister Crowley doing Enochian calls? And
all the Mozart piano concertos? I got "Boogie Fever" by the Sylvers. I got Soliloquy for Lilith...Nina Hagen...Azalia Snail...but where's my Nino Rota CD?? I need to get that on here...and where, in the name of heaven, is Le Jardin de Heavenly?? I can't get that one song out of my know the one...

do you know how
cool all of this makes me??? I was sayin' to Laura, "Laura, I'll be the only guy in France with 'Scream' by Ralph Nielsen and the Chancellors on his iPod. Whattaya think about that?"

She said probably not, that that was exactly the kind of music a Frenchman would get into and think he was really outré...
hey! What's that supposed to--

[Note: the title of this post is taken from a routine on a SubGenius CD that will soon be on my iPod.]

[Note: it's now on my iPod.]


  1. grigorss12:13 AM

    Just make sure you leave some room for some videos there, K. -- got some Sarah Silverman, coming at ya'!

  2. Holy moly, that's a lot of storage! And marvelously eclectic.

  3. oh, yes, but don't worry, you'll get no pedantic, posturing oration on this thing's suh-weet specifications from me, cuz that ain't the way we roll at WiHW...

    but I got three words for ya: seven. thousand. songs.

    that's 7K so far, and this baby ain't even half full. do you know what a "megabyte" is? that's like a million bytes of data, and it equals about a minute of 128-Kb compressed music.

    OK--this is the totally ass-kickin' part: my iPod holds 80 gigabytes. a gigabyte, in case you don't know, is a thousand megabytes. so times that times 80 and you are talkin' one monstrous, Khufu-sized vault o' tunezzzzzzzzz

    [Note: Kalibhakta is now in treatment for technology overload and testosterone poisoning.]